Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a mental health condition that affects how a person experiences their emotions, relationships, and identity. People with BPD often feel emotions very deeply and may find it hard to regulate them, leading to intense ups and downs in mood and relationships. 

BPD is not a character flaw or a choice — it’s a condition rooted in both biological and environmental factors. With the right understanding and support, people with BPD can and do find relief from and reduction of symptoms.

While only a licensed mental health professional can diagnose BPD, common signs include emotional dysregulation, fear of abandonment, unstable relationships, impulsivity, and chronic feelings of emptiness.

Unlike bipolar disorder, which involves distinct mood episodes that last days or weeks, the mood changes in BPD are often more rapid and situation-based. 

Many people with BPD also experience depression or anxiety, which can overlap but are not the same condition — these would be co-occurring conditions. 

If you recognize these experiences in yourself, reaching out for an evaluation is a good first step — you don’t have to have it all figured out on your own.

Research suggests BPD arises from a combination of factors — genetics, brain chemistry, and life experiences, including trauma or chronically invalidating environments.

It’s common for people with BPD to have experienced painful or confusing relationships growing up, but not everyone with BPD has a history of trauma. 

What matters most is understanding what shaped you, not blaming yourself or others. Healing is a practice of learning new ways to manage emotions and relationships in the present.

Yes — people with BPD can and do get better. While there are individuals who recover and no longer meet criteria for BPD, there are many others who learn to manage ongoing symptoms in a way that leads them to live a meaningful life. Recovery doesn’t necessarily mean that you never experience symptoms again; instead it means you gain tools, stability, and confidence to manage them. 

There is some evidence that BPD symptoms improve with time in some individuals, especially after the brain finishes developing around age twenty-five. 

Evidence-based treatments like dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) and other skills-based approaches can lead to major improvements. Many people experience full remission of symptoms over time.

A therapist familiar with BPD can help you learn practical skills for managing emotions and relationships. 

A psychiatrist may also be helpful. While there’s no medication that directly treats BPD itself, some people find medication helps with certain symptoms, mood swings, anxiety, depression or sleep, and successfully utilize medication as part of a larger treatment plan.

There are several effective, evidence-based treatments for BPD, including:

• Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
• Mentalization-Based Therapy (MBT)
• Schema Therapy

These therapies help with emotion regulation, mindfulness, interpersonal effectiveness, and distress tolerance. Finding a therapist trained in one of these approaches can make a big difference.

While working with a professional is often ideal, low- and no-cost resources exist online and in some areas. You may find online or local support groups, and our website has a number of resources of various kinds that can assist you in understanding and recovering from BPD.

Wanting to help yourself is a strong first step. Recovery takes time, but small actions can make a significant difference over time.

• Find the right therapist. Look for someone trained in DBT, MBT, or Schema Therapy — these approaches are proven to help people with BPD.
• Create steady routines. Try to keep regular times for sleep, meals, and daily activities. Simple habits — like a short walk, journaling, or a calm morning routine — can make emotions feel more manageable.
• Practice calming skills. Deep breathing, grounding through your senses, or naming what you feel can help you ride out intense moments.
• Stay connected. Reach out to people who make you feel safe and understood.
• Be patient with yourself. Healing is gradual, and every small effort counts. Recovery is not linear, so be kind to yourself if you feel like you’re regressing or plateauing.

You don’t need to do everything at once — just start where you are.

Self-advocacy starts with understanding your needs and your rights. You can:

• Learn about BPD and evidence-based treatments
• Communicate clearly about what helps and what doesn’t
• Bring someone supportive to appointments if you feel misunderstood
• Ask providers directly if they have experience with BPD

You deserve compassionate, informed care. Advocacy is an act of self-respect — not confrontation.

• Sometimes people misunderstand BPD due to stigma or misinformation. Learning how to talk about your diagnosis in your own words can help shift those perceptions.

You might choose to share only with people you trust and who make you feel safe. Over time, many people find that as they heal, others see them for their growth and resilience, not just their diagnosis.

No. BPD is something you have, not who you are. Your personality is made up of your interests, values, humor, creativity, and relationships. 

BPD may influence how you experience the world, but it doesn’t define your identity.

You get to decide how much to share and when. Some people start by explaining that they experience strong emotions or relationship struggles, and that they’re learning skills to manage them.

It can help to share credible resources (like BPD Alliance or NAMI), or bring a loved one to therapy if that feels safe. Choose a time when you’re calm and when the other person is ready to listen.

If you’re in immediate danger, call 911 in the U.S. or 112 in Europe, or go to the nearest emergency department. If you need help but are not in immediate danger, call your therapist or psychiatrist,  988 (Suicide and Crisis Lifeline) in the U.S., or click here for a list of suicide hotlines in other countries. If you don’t feel comfortable with those numbers, here is a list of other resources. 

You are not alone. These thoughts are a sign of intense distress — not weakness. With professional support and coping strategies, these urges can pass and become manageable over time. Keep crisis resources in your phone and share your plan with someone you trust.

Start with grounding or mindfulness: slow breathing, noticing your senses, or putting your hands under cool water. These small actions can help your body calm enough for your mind to follow.

When possible, talk with your therapist about building a personalized coping plan using DBT skills like TIPP, Opposite Action, or Radical Acceptance.

That can be deeply painful — and unfortunately, stigma or misunderstanding sometimes affects how people respond. When this happens, focus on staying safe first, trust that there are people and professionals out there who will take you seriously, then seek them out and don’t give up until you find them.

You can also write out what you need during a crisis ahead of time (a “crisis plan” or “safety plan”) to help others understand and respond better in the moment.

Relationships are emotionally meaningful and activating. When emotions escalate quickly, relational contexts often bring symptoms to the surface.

One helpful skill is relationship mindfulness — the practice of being present with others, listening with full attention, and responding thoughtfully rather than impulsively. It means noticing what’s happening between you and the other person without judgment, so you can communicate more clearly and stay connected even during conflict.

Practicing relationship mindfulness can help you:

• Pause before reacting when emotions run high
• Express your needs calmly and directly
• Show appreciation and empathy in daily interactions

Over time, these small, mindful choices can make relationships feel more secure, respectful, and fulfilling.