“Joining Family Connections gave us hope when we felt none.”
The BPD Alliance was founded by families who knew the challenges of supporting a loved one with Borderline Personality Disorder.
If you feel overwhelmed or isolated, you are not alone. Together, we can help you build proven coping skills, find support, and strengthen connection.
Our Family Programs
Family Connections™, Managing Suicidality & Trauma Recovery, and the Open Your Mind Series give families tools to understand and respond to chronic emotion dysregulation, reduce conflict, and restore connection.
Family Connections
Our free, evidence-based program offered in over 20 countries that helps families learn skills to manage crises, communicate more effectively, and rebuild connection.
Managing Suicidality & Trauma Recovery
Specialized training that equips families to respond to suicidality and related trauma with calm, compassion, and clarity.
Open Your Mind Series
A self-paced learning opportunity to understand borderline personality disorder and learn skills to help families begin to learn coping and relationship management skills.
Why Families Matter
When families have the right skills and support, their loved ones with BPD experience better outcomes — fewer crises, healthier communication and more hope.
Families also deserve care for themselves. By learning grounding and mindfulness practices, how to listen with compassion, observe limits, and accept what can’t be controlled, families gain peace, resilience and stronger relationships.
Resources that can help
Loved Ones Finding Hope
Families around the world have walked this path and found resilience and healing along the way. Their stories show that reconnection, stability, and peace are possible, and that no family has to face this journey alone.
Common Questions, Quick Answers
What exactly is BPD, and how is it different from other mental health conditions?
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) affects how a person experiences emotions, relationships, and sense of self. People with BPD often feel emotions very deeply and may shift moods quickly in response to events or interactions. It differs from conditions like depression or bipolar disorder, where mood changes tend to last longer and aren’t always tied to specific situations. Many people with BPD also live with other conditions such as anxiety, depression, or PTSD, which can overlap and make symptoms feel and present as more complex. With the right treatment and support, recovery is possible.
What causes BPD? Did I do something to cause or contribute to it?
BPD develops from a combination of factors — biological sensitivity, genetics, and life experiences. Some people are born more emotionally sensitive, and when that sensitivity meets environments that don’t fully meet their emotional needs, patterns of distress can develop over time.
Family dynamics and early relationships can influence how emotions are learned and expressed, and many parents understandably wonder if they “caused” their loved one’s struggles. The truth is more complex: no single person or experience causes BPD. What matters most now is focusing on understanding, communication, and learning new ways to support healing — for both your loved one and yourself.
How can I respond when my loved one has intense emotional reactions?
Try to stay calm and present. Listen first, validate their feelings, and keep your tone steady. You don’t need to agree with everything they say to let them know you hear them. Look for the kernel of truth in what they’re saying and focus on validating that element. Short phrases like “I can see this is really painful” or “That sounds really hard” can go a long way. When emotions run high, aim for safety and connection over solutions.
What do I say — or avoid saying — to help my loved one during intense moments?
This is where relationship mindfulness can help. Relationship mindfulness is the practice of noticing what’s happening in the moment — in you, in your loved one, and between you — before reacting. Take a breath, listen fully, and choose words that show empathy and curiosity. Validating phrases like “I understand you feel hurt” or “It makes sense that you’re upset” can calm things quickly. Avoid dismissive or minimizing responses like “You’re overreacting” or “You shouldn’t feel that way.” Presence and patience matter more than perfect wording.
Can people with BPD get better, and what does that look like?
Yes — people with BPD can and do get better. Recovery doesn’t necessarily mean all the symptoms are gone, it can also mean gaining skills, stability, and confidence to manage them.
With evidence-based treatments like DBT and other skills-based therapies, many people experience major improvements and even long periods without meeting criteria for BPD. Recovery takes time and practice, and progress often shows up in small ways — fewer crises, quicker repair after conflict, and more moments of calm connection.
What types of therapy actually work for BPD, and how do I find a therapist?
Evidence-based therapies such as Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), Mentalization-Based Therapy (MBT), and Schema Therapy have been shown to help. You can search for therapists trained in these approaches or ask potential providers directly about their experience with BPD. The BPD Alliance website and national directories often list clinicians with relevant training.
How can I make my loved one go to therapy?
You can’t force therapy to work — it has to be something your loved one participates in willingly. What you can do is express care and hope. Let them know you believe they deserve support, and that therapy isn’t punishment — it’s a chance to build a life that feels more stable and fulfilling. Sometimes, offering to help find options or accompany them to an appointment — when they are ready — can make it less intimidating. If you aren’t already, you may consider going to therapy, too — it can help you process, learn skills, and model healthy self-care and growth.
What if I can’t afford or access recommended treatments?
While working with a professional is often ideal, low- and no-cost resources exist online and in some areas. You can learn about our Family Connections and Managing Suicidality and Trauma Response courses, and our website has a number of resources of various kinds that can assist you in understanding BPD and building skills to help your relationships.
How can I set and observe healthy limits?
Healthy limits protect both you and your relationship. They create predictability and safety, even when emotions are intense. Be clear about what you can and cannot do, communicate your limits (sometimes called “boundaries”) calmly, and follow through consistently. It’s not about control — it’s about mutual respect and sustainability.
How do I take care of my own mental health while supporting my loved one?
This is where radical acceptance becomes invaluable. It means accepting reality as it is right now — not necessarily liking or approving of it, but recognizing what’s true so you can respond to the situation as it is instead of what you want it to be. Supporting someone who is struggling can be draining, so make sure you have space for your own rest, therapy, hobbies, and support networks. Your stability helps everyone.
How can I support without “walking on eggshells”?
Support improves with an understanding of emotional tipping points, validation skills, and flexible limits—rather than reacting only in crisis.
How do I help my other family members cope?
Start by sharing age-appropriate information about BPD and what’s happening in your family.
For a younger child (around 10), you might say: “Sometimes your sister feels big emotions that are hard to handle, and we’re helping her learn ways to manage them.” With an older teen or young adult, you can be more open about the diagnosis and encourage honest conversations about boundaries, support, and self-care.
Remind everyone that it’s okay to have mixed feelings and that learning skills together — like validation and mindfulness — can help the whole family feel more connected and supported.
What do I do if my loved one threatens to harm themselves?
Take any mention of self-harm seriously. If you believe they’re in immediate danger, contact emergency services or call 988 (Suicide and Crisis Lifeline) in the U.S. or 112 (Emergency Services) in Europe. If you don’t feel comfortable with those numbers, here is a list of other resources. Project Lets includes some things to consider if you’re calling on behalf of someone else. Stay calm, speak gently, and focus on safety. Avoid arguing or trying to reason through the crisis — compassion and quick action matter most. Once the moment has passed, you can work together on a plan for future safety and support.
Are self-harm or suicidal threats manipulation?
Most often, these are distress signals and coping attempts when emotions feel unmanageable. Labeling this signal as manipulation tends to increase escalation rather than reduce it.
How can some members of my family have BPD while others don’t?
BPD can run in families because of shared genetics and learned emotional patterns, though it doesn’t affect everyone the same way. Some people may be more biologically sensitive or have had different experiences growing up. Understanding this can help shift focus away from blame and toward support, learning, and healing together.